Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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