i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize