I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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