i don't like sucking hair
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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