Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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