and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
In America we eat man semen.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
