her vagine was all disorganized.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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