You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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