I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
