You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
