So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
