tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
