nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
