Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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