Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
