Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
