True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
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Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Semen is not good for contacts.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
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Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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