At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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