Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I cockslap morals
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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