It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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