Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
