i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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