addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
