i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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