I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
