So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
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