it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
