I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
