Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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