found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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