totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
