3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
