It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
