Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
