If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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