I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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