giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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