I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Randomize
