in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
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After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
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Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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