I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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