I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
