Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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