I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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