Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
