great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
