She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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