you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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