how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
