Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
21 Sketchy Drug Deals That Are Scary AF
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.