I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
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my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?