I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?