Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
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i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
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We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?