Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...