"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.