you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
