did you get engaged???
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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