lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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