so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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