I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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