Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I am spending my child support on dildos
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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