I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
