Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
