Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
