do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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