I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
