My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
