I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
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