I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Shame is for Republicans.
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