They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
