I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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