Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
