His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
