So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
