I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
