Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
