When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
