he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
