mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
