Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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