I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I currently don't understand fingers.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize