there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
