I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
